Ayu and Son Goku Present: Eva Done the Strange Way
by Ayu-chan
Summary: A friend of mine and I wondered what it would be like if our essences were Eva pilots. The Result? :: evil grin:: (Don't worry, not a Mary Sue) Be warned...I have a strange sense of humor. I changed Asuka name spelling to the right one.
1. Episode 1-ish : In the beginning there w...

Ayu-chan: Ohayo everybody! I am Ayu.  
Son Goku (from Saiyuki): And I am her assistant.  
Ayu-chan: He calls himself that so he can raid my fridge. Anyway, this is the Physco Evangelion Fan Fic. Saddly, it might not all be accurate, cause i've only seen a few (10 or 13) of the Evangelion episodes (depending on how many are on the DVD's). :: sobs::  
Son Goku: It's ok, don't cry.  
Ayu-chan: Your just saying that cause i've seen 27 of yours.  
Son Goku: And you enjoyed it.  
Ayu-chan: ::Childish grin:: That doesn't matter. So anyway, don't flame me about inaccuracy, or anything, please. The story's all in fun. Ok, have fun reading!!   
Son Goku: Yeah! Have fun!  
Ayu-chan: Hey, where's my donut go?  
Son Goku: What donut?  
  
Episode 1-ish : In the beginning, there were too many AKA Charlie and Ayu Make NERV Home...  
  
The dusty jeep drove along the rode, heading to NERVU...I mean NERV headquarters, carrying two very important passengers and one very annoyed driver. Ayu gazed anxiously out of the window, trying to look at every little detail she could, while her companion, Charlie sat with his arms folded and his eyes closed.  
"So, driver-"  
"What is it now Ayu?!" The driver asked teetering on the edge,  
"What number is my unit again?"  
"You are number 5, Ayu. Charlie is number 6-"  
"And which child am I?"  
"You are the 6th child, and Charlie is the seventh."  
"That is so weird, don't you think, Charlie-kun? It baffles the mind."  
"Ayu..." Charlie said quietly, " I understand that when you are excited you talk too much, but if you don't shut up, I might end up hurting you." Ayu grunted and pulled back on her headphones, so as she could listen to her 'The Best of Lost Universe (from TV)' CD.   
The dusty jeep drove along, now carrying two annoyed passengers and one satisfied driver.  
***  
(Oooh, magic asterisks that make time fly! Bow to the magic asterisks!)  
  
The dusty jeep pulled into the parking lot, releasing a cloud of dust when it stopped. Charlie opened one eye, and pushed his blue beret up so as he could see. Ayu was sleeping quietly, a slow stream of drool forming a puddle in the cup holder. Charlie shook Ayu awake and handed her a handkerchief from his pocket. Ayu opened one eye, took the handkerchief and wiped her cheek.  
"Do you want this back Charlie?" He paused for a moment to think about her question.  
"No...no thank you." Ayu shrugged and threw it to the side.  
"The driver's gone. You think we should wait here?" Charlie looked out the window to see a person approaching the Jeep.  
"I think someone is already coming to get us." The person drew nearer, her blue-ish hair swaying behind her.  
"Konichiwa!" She called out to the children, as Charlie opened the Jeep door. He steeped out of the car, followed by Ayu, and the both stood quietly as the woman approached, "I am Misato." She said, "You must be Charlie and Ayu." The children nodded, "Nice to meet you. If you'll follow me, I'll take you to your rooms." She winked, "I hope you guys enjoy it here."  
"Right, right. Where's Rei?" Charlie asked.  
"Oh that's right, I forgot." Misato said, "We were running out of apartments, so Ayu, you will be staying with Asuka and Rei." Ayu's eyes stretched,  
"I have to stay with Asuka??!!! This will not end well...(and that is a promise from the author)."  
"She gets to stay with Ayanami-san?" Charlie whimpered, "Who an I staying with?"  
"Well, Shinji and Toji naturally." Misato said with a chuckle, "I finally get you children out of my house." With that, Misato turned and began to leave the parking lot. Charlie and Ayu followed.  
  
*Red Mantel Wipe!!*  
  
Ayu stood in front of her door, wondering what waited her on the other side. Charlie did the same thing a bit further down the hallway. The looked at each other, then back that the door. Ayu placed her hand on the doorknob and turned, as Charlie did the same thing. They pushed open the doors and...  
"That's right, the others are on a mission right now!" Misato stated, peeking out of her doorway, "Nobody's home!!" Ayu looked back over at Charlie, and sweat dropped, "Why don't you guys go see Commander Ikari? " Darth Vader music starts to play.  
"Where'd that come from?"  
"Oh, my bad, my CD player was on too loud."  
"Right...Come on Ayu." Charlie begins to walk down the hallway.  
  
Minutes Pass.  
  
"Oi, Charlie-kun...I didn't know that the Commander's office was in the girls room..." Ayu looks around, "Charlie-kun? Charlie-kun? Crap..."  
  
Elsewhere...  
  
Charlie nodded to Commander Ikari, and continued to watch the Eva's on the screen.  
"Sir." He began, "What do our Eva's look like?" Commander Ikari took his elbows off his desk.  
"You can see them after you finish watching the battle. Learn while you can." Charlie nodded and turned back to the screen when his cell phone rang,  
"Mushi-mushi?"  
"Charlie-kun?" Ayu's voice came shakily through the receiver,  
"What is it Ayu?"  
"Um, I'm in the girls room-"  
"Yeah, so? That is natural you know...unless-"  
"No, I'm lost. I can't find the Commander's office."  
"We do have a harmonics test coming up in a bit, you know. Ask the next person who comes in to help you. I'm busy." Ayu sighed,  
"Fine, fine." And she hung up. Charlie heard cheering and realized the battle was over.  
"Damnit Ayu...I hope that doesn't happen too often." (That is not a promise from the author.)  
"Charlie," Commander Ikari's voce rang out, "Go find Ayu, and then get down to the harmonics room." Charlie bowed suavely, being the suave boy that he was, and always will be, before leaving the Commanders Office. Darth Vader's music strikes up.  
"Man..." Ikari said, "Do I love that song, or what?"  
  
*Red Mantel Wipe!!*  
  
"Good thing you found me Rei, I would have been lost in that bathroom forever." Rei walked quietly beside Ayu, leading her back to the apartment, "We'll we be going to school tomorrow?"  
"Yes." Ayu's attempt at conversation had been shot down, when she noticed a familiar blur beret.  
"Charlie-kun!" She yelled, waving her hand above her head. Charlie turned to look, and was Ayu's blue/silver/gray haired companion.  
"AYANAMI-SAMA!!" He yelled and dashed over as fast as he could, bowing like a fool. Forget what I said about suave...  
Rei looked at Charlie, and walked passed him.  
"You lost your suave, Charlie-kun." Ayu said, passing him too and following after Rei. Charlie stood up abruptly and adjusted his beret.  
"Right, I lost the suave for a moment." He turned to Ayu and Rei, "Ayu-chan, we are to report to the harmonics room for testing."  
"Like the sixth and seventh child can even match my abilities." A sharp voice lashed through the area. Lightning cracked; thunder rolled, "It is I! ASUKA! The best Eva PILOT EVER!!!" The red head stepped out from a potted plant, and brushed the dirt off her skirt. Ayu froze in her tracks before turning around shakily. Rei seemed unaffected.  
"Asuka, please, we don't want to startle the new kids..." Shinji said stepping out from behind the potted plant. Toji came down the hall, with a toothpick between his teeth,  
"Let her, as long as she isn't bothering us." Asuka started to laugh with her hand on the side of her mouth. Charlie sweat dropped as Ayu stomped up next to him.  
"Konichiwa, Ayu-kun, Charlie-kun." Shinji said with a smile.  
"Shinji-kun." Charlie said nodding his head. Ayu stared angrily at Asuka, but waved to Shinji sloppily. Asuka stopped laughing and glared back at Ayu.  
Glare....glare....GLARE!!  
"Hey, aren't you forgetting somebody?" Toji asked, touching his hands to his chest, and stepping between Ayu and Askua's gaze. Ayu was glaring at Toji's chest when she heard a yell behind him,   
"UNHOLY! How dare you put that in Mighty ASUKA'S way!!" Ayu snapped out of her trance and realized Toji was standing there.  
"Oh, Konichiwa Toji-kun. Where did you come from? Where'd the red-headed demon king go?"  
"WHAT DID YOU CALL THE MIGHTY ASUKA!?"  
"You heard me!! Or are you ugly AND deaf?" Asuka stepped up behind Toji and reached out to grab Ayu, but Ayu hid behind Toji, IE. Toji was kinda sandwiched in between them. Collective Charlie Shinji sweat drop. Shinji tried to calm Asuka down, as Charlie shimmied his way over to Rei.  
"Hey, Rei. What do you say me and you go somewhere more quiet and test our harmonics?" Rei, not responding, walked over to Ayu and lifted her up, after stuffing a tissue in Toji's nose. Carrying Ayu away, she dropped her on Charlie and left.  
"Oh good job Charlie, now I'll never get back to the apartment." Ayu said sitting on twitchy Charlie's back. The All Mighty Asuka climbed back into the potted plant, leaving it a bit off kilter, mumbling something about the 'Unholy Putts Spawn that is Ayu.'  
"Ayanami-samaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..." Charlie whimpered, feeling Ayu get lifted of his back.  
"Arigato, Shinji-kun, Toji-kun. Oi, Toji-kun, your nose is bleeding. Did Asuka punch you?" Toji sheepishly chuckled and Shinji pried Charlie off the ground with a spatula.  
  
*Son Goku Runs Across the Screen flailing his staff*  
  
"So, these are our Eva's...impressive, eh Ayu-chan?" Ayu nodded staring at Charlie's almost completely black Eva. The eyes were outlined in white and there was also a white 'V' going down its chest. A long black cape laid stagnant against it's back, plus there was an odd looking piece of machinery on it's head that looked like a top-hat.  
"Yours looks like it's 'Tuxedo Mask', whom is actually copyrighted to the people who created Sailor Moon. Think that could pose a problem?"  
"Yours might cause you a problem...it's pink-ish." Charlie pointed at the bright pink Eva that was standing next to his. Ayu reeled back in horror.  
"No...no, it can't be...I can't stand pink!" Ayu's hands slid down her face pulling her cheeks. Charlie gave Ayu a sideways glance,  
"There isn't much you could do." He knew Ayu would think of some plan that would never work in real life, but it was fun to push her buttons.  
"Oh, so you think." She then ran out of the viewing room and Charlie had begun to count down,  
"5, 4, 3, 2-"  
"Ring-Ring." Goes the cell phone.  
"Nani, Ayu-chan?"  
"Um...when did my apartment turn into a bathroom?"  
  
*SON GOKU WIPE!!*: drool:  
  
Spray-can after spray-can flew into the air, many smashing up against the viewing walkway and a few pedestrians. Shinji walked into the area and tapped Charlie on the shoulder.  
"What is Ayu-chan doing?" He asked over Charlie's crazed laugher,  
"She-she's spraHAH HAHAHA! Spray pa-pa-eh hehe-painting her Eva blue-oh hohohohoho." A random can flew up and hit Charlie in the head, making him fall to the floor. Bending over the walkway railing, Shinji yelled down to Ayu,  
"Hey, are you all right? How'd you get down there? Oh...there you are." Ayu appeared in front of his face and poked him in the nose,  
"There are methods to my madness that mortals must never know." And, in a flash she was back to spray painting.  
"Do you need any help?"  
"If I asked for your help, you would have to know how I got down there, and then I would have to kill you."  
"How do you appear in my face?"  
"Shinji, do you have a death wish or what?" A can flew past his head,  
"No...I uh..." He dodged another can.  
"Oh Shinji-kun..." She looked him dead in the eye, "You think you can bring Asuka in here? It'd be fun to pummel her with cans-"  
"How much have you finished?"  
"Oh..." Ayu looked down, "The left foot. So much work! I must continue." But, before Ayu could disappear again,  
"Wait! Do you want anything to eat? You'll be down there for a long time."  
"You can bring me a Cheeseburger, and a extra, extra, extra large Mountain Due. It's disgusting, but it will keep me awake. And luckily, I don't have to worry about my sperm count." And the cans came flying again. Shinji nodded and trotted off again, accidentally stepping on Charlie.  
Asuka came gallivanting in after Shinji left, making sure to grind her high-heel into Charlie's nose.  
"UNHOLY PUTTZ SPAWN!" She screamed down at Ayu, who sent a can flying in Asuka's direction, "I have come to finish what we have started earlier today! To bad you do not have wonder girl to save you now!"  
"Shut up Asuka!" Ayu yelled from below, sending another can.  
"HAHAHAH! Puny peon, you think that one spray can will harm the mighty ASUKA!"  
"No? How about twenty!" The all clinked on Asuka's head, making her a bit dizzy.  
"Nooo, that didn't hurt one bit." Ayu tossed a squealing fur-ball, which latched onto Asuka's face, making her tip over the edge and fall.  
"Good rabid squirrel. Good!" Ayu squealed as she continued to paint.  
"You have not heard the last of ASUKA!" The redhead opened a vortex of evil to disappear through before she had the chance to hit the ground. The squirrel hopped back over to Ayu with a squeal of delight,  
"Good job, Ja-rule. Back in the pocket of random items you go." Ja-rule, Ayu's new found pet squirrel, climbed into the large pocket on Ayu's overalls. Back to painting Ayu went, hearing only Charlie's trademark moan.  
"Ayanami-samaaaaaaaaaa." Why moan that, you ask? Well, Charlie is almost always thinking about Rei, so moaning her name in moments of discomfort might make him feel better.  
A few minutes later, Shinji came walking back in, this time stepping over Charlie,  
"Ayu-chan! I have your food!"  
"Whew! All finished!"  
"What?! You're all done?" Ayu was sitting on the walkway sipping on the Mountain Dew while twitching.  
"Yeah. I finally finished the right foot." She took a bite out of the Cheeseburger.  
"Are you sure you don't want something that tastes better? Like sushi, or ramen?" Shinji queried. Ayu's body bounced from side to side.  
"Yeah, no, I'm fine! Fine, fine, fine, fine." Shinji watched Ayu bounce from side to side. What he didn't realize was that Ayu was about to go on a supreme-o sugar rush. Ayu handed Shinji the end of a rope.  
"You, swing that over the support beams." She poked Shinji in the chest. He looked up at the support beams, and thought, *She can poke me in the chest, but if I did that to her, she'd have a fit...*  
"Ok...I can do that." She then tied a grappling hook to the end of the rope and tied the other end to herself.  
"Throw, Shinji, throw!" He threw the grappling hook, but it missed by a long shot. Ayu narrowed her eyes and glared at Shinji, "I though you said you could do it."  
"Uh, well, you see..." Ayu brought the grappling hook back to herself.  
"Maybe Toji can do it..." and she disappeared again.  
"If she's so darn special, why can't she do it?" Charlie rose from the ground, and suddenly looked clean and sparkly. (Think Jubei-chan's dad) He walked over to Shinji's side, and placed a big white bandage over his (Charlie's) nose.  
"When Ayu drinks too much sugar filled soda, she gets hyper, and her brain only works half the time. But that's beside the point." Charlie grabbed Shinji's arm, "You are looking very flimsy Shinji-kun" Charlie shook his head, "I will have to get some muscle on these little arms of yours." He threw his arm around Shinji, "Come now, we are going to the weight room." And they walked off. Ayu came hopping back onto the walkway, Toji following behind her.  
"What did you need? I was busy."  
"Oh, so picking at your toes counts as busy?" She pushed the grappling hook into his hands, "Throw this over the support beam." He looked at Ayu strangely,  
"What are you doing?"  
"I'm painting my Eva, now hurry up." Toji shrugged, launched the grappling hook, and hit the wrong support beam, but Ayu was satisfied.  
"Happy?" Ayu nodded and grabbed Toji's hand.  
"You are very, very strong and I would have been lost without your help. Please take note that I am just stroking your ego in case I desire your assistance later." Ayu grinned and climbed onto the railing, "BONSAI!" She leaped over the edge and whipped out a spray can. Toji looked over the edge at the now painting Ayu,  
"Whoa, look at her go, back and forth she swings like a..." Toji lifted his head and scratched his nose, "My work here is done." And he exited the area.  
"Boys, sometimes a girl just needs one..." Ayu must have been drunk as well as hyper, because she started to sing Britney Spears songs.  
  
Elsewhere...  
  
Charlie introduced Shinji to weight lifting. I fear that this little male bonding session does not to be shared at this precise moment. Come on now, Shinji weight lifting...do you really what to hear about that? I am scared for all our sanity if I ever share this episode with the world....   
  
Hours Later...  
  
"Misato says that she has to come back to the rooms." Shinji said with a yawn, adjusting his slipper.  
"But she's sleeping...suspended from the ceiling."  
"How the hell did she do that? And how are we supposed to her get back?" Charlie pushed he beret above his eyes and leaned next to the other three.  
"I think I have a solution, if you are willing to let me work alone." Shinji nodded, and the other two un-named people nodded as well. The three others backed up and Charlie leaned over the rail, "Ayu-chan, I have something for you..." Ayu opened an eye,  
"What?"  
"You have to come over here to get it."  
"What is it?" Charlie dug in his pocket,  
"Well, it's a...TOJI PLUSHIE!" Charlie waved around the little plushie boy. Ayu shook her head,  
"Tempting, but not as good as the real thing." Charlie dug in his other pocket,  
"Ok, how about a Toji plushie AND a...QUATRE PLUSHIE!" He waved around both plushies. Ayu opened her eyes wide,  
"Interesting, but I need some ammo to get over there." Light glinted across Charlie's eyes,  
"Fine then. Now for my ultra, super, Charlie SPECIAL!" He spun around, swirling mist encompassing his body, "Toji plushie, Quatre plushie, and SON GOKU PLUSHIE!" He pulled out an ultra kawaii plushie of Son Goku with a donut. So, that's where my donut went...I will have to deal with Goku later. Ayu shot across the room and landed on the walkway.  
"You've got yourself a deal Charlie-kun!" She held on to the plushies while untying her rope. Rei, one of the un-named bystanders grabs Ayu's hand and leads her off. The other un-named bystander, whom I will never name, (hehehehehe) follows after them. Shinji looked over at Charlie,  
"Where did you get those from, Charlie-kun?" Charlie tilted his beret downward,  
"If I were to tell you, you would be able to lead Ayu anywhere you wanted. I am sorry Shinji; I cannot trust you with that power. I know how boys think. I was a boy myself once." Shinji looked surprised,  
"I wasn't even thinking about-" Charlie patted Shinji's back,  
"You will find you own way into tempting her, in time."  
"But, but-"  
"Come now, let's talk about the red-headed devil and how she broke my nose." Charlie led Shinji off the walkway.  
  
Next Episode: What a new Angel? Confusuion in the Darkness. Ayu and Asuka at it again! Wonder Girl to the Rescue! Tune in Next Time From "The Battle That Destroyed Tokyo 3, again..." And I promise loads of fanfare!   
  
Ayu-chan: So, that's it for now...did you like it?  
Son Goku: I had a Cameo!  
Ayu-chan: I promise Eva battles in the next episode. I just didn't want this one to drone on.  
Son Goku: I had a CAMEO!  
Ayu-chan: Maybe i'll change the girls name from mine, i couldn't think of one at the moment. And Son Goku, i want my donut back.  
Son Goku: I had a cam...what donut?  
Ayu-chan: :: edges close to Son Goku with narrowed, evil eyes:: You know what donut.  
Son Goku: I can't quite give it back now...  
Ayu-chan: Oh, you will pay me back some how...  
Son Goku: Hum....:: looks out at crowd:: GOODNIGHT EVERYBODY! :: pulls down random shade::  
Ayu-chan: Wait...I didn't necessarily mean that way...oh well....SAYONARA! 


	2. Episode 2-ish: The Battle That Destroyed...

Ayu-chan: Oh? You guys are here already? Well, Son Goku and I were just following through a bet we made...  
Son Goku: She saw a picture of me with a band-aid on my check, and thought I looked like 'Nelly', so now she dressed me up like him!  
Ayu-chan: Vokal from head to toe. I dare not take of his kinko...he'd probably kill me.  
Son Goku: I wouldn't kill you, per say. I'd probably ra-  
Ayu-chan: :: throws a hand over his mouth:: Shhh, you can't say stuff like that, or I'll have to raise the rating.   
Son Goku: Oh, ok. Now for your part of the deal  
Ayu-chan: What part?  
Son Goku: You have to dress up like Beyonce.  
Ayu-chan: What do you know about Beyonce?  
Son Goku: I saw her on BET...  
Ayu-chan: ::looks out an audience::   
Son Goku: Or Ayumi Hamasaki in her leopard suit. You're choice. :: holds out short gold dress and leopard suit:: I've wondered what you'd look like in either.  
Ayu-chan: ::blush:: Why don't you guys read the story while we sort out Son Goku's fantasies that will never happen.  
Son Goku: :: grabs Ayu's wrist:: Oh yes they will, I look like a fool. :: pulls her off stage::  
  
Episode 2-ish: The Battle That Destroyed Tokyo 3, again AKA The Ultimate Ayu-Asuka Battle.  
  
In Commander Ikari's office  
"Commander, there's an Angel reading in the south-west part of the city."  
"What?" He took of the headphones he borrowed from Ayu, "An Angel reading? Bring it on the screen. A large blue disk floated over the city, long claws extending from each side, "Ugly sucker, ain't it?"  
"Um...quite Commander. It is in an inactive state. From the data we've collected, at this phase, it is impossible to harm it. Skin stronger than diamonds. Yet, when it activates, its destructive power will certainly increase, but it's skin will be thin like paper." Commander Ikari nodded,  
"Then, take the necessary precautions and be ready to deal with it."  
"Yes sir." The commander put his headphones back on.  
"Oh yeah, Duh duh duh, duh du duh, duh du duh."  
  
* Son Goku runs across, chasing Ayu, swinging a golden dress*  
  
Ayu stumbled through the dark hallways, her Quatre plushie tucked under her arm. She grumbled something quietly before placing a hand on the doorknob to an apartment. She pushed the door open and looked around at the dark apartment.  
"Hum...Rei and the red devil are missing..." She trudged into the apartment, tripping over some random items, before making her way to the bathroom, "My bed room..." She placed her hand on the knob, turned, and went to push open the door. A terrified yell came from inside the like bathroom, but it fazed Ayu not.  
"AYU-CHAN!! What are you doing!!??" Shinji threw a towel over his lap,  
"Good night Shinji-kun..." She tripped over the bathtub, and fell inside, cuddling her Quatre plushie. Shinji tried to crane his next to see, but he didn't want to get off the commode.  
"She's sound asleep." Came a voice at the door. Shinji turned his head to see Charlie at the door, dressed in his Rei Ayanami Pajamas. Charlie tilted his beret upward, "She has a minor hangover from the sugar soda. Minor in tales sleepwalking." Shinji threw another towel over his lap. Toji came over, rubbing his eye,  
"What's all the noise in here?" He looked down at the tub and saw Ayu, "Good god Shinji!! What did you do to the poor, sweet girl?! I swore that I-"  
"I didn't do anything! She was sleepwalking and fell in the tub!" He grabbed another towel and threw it over his lap.  
"He's telling the truth." Charlie said with a nod.  
"Are those our towels?" Toji asked pointing at Shinji's lap. Shinji nodded, "Fine then. We burn them in the morning." Charlie looked over at Toji,  
"Agreeable. Next issue of business, who's bringing Ayu home?" Toji grinned,  
"I'll do it."   
Charlie shook his head, "No, I cannot trust you with that kind of responsibility. Don't forget, I was a boy once. I shall return Ayu to her-"  
"You're still a boy. You just want to see Rei sleeping." Toji commented.  
"So what?" They looked over at Shinji,  
"Don't look at me like that. I'm trying to go to the bathroom." All three looked down on the sleeping Ayu, who rolled over, still huggling Quatre.  
"Can't we just wake her up?" Shinji asked.  
"No, she'll freak out when she sees you sitting on the toilet, and herself in the tub." Charlie said with a shake of his head.  
"Besides, I swore that I'd-"  
"Ok, Toji. That's enough. Let's keep this PG." Charlie said.  
"Precisely why you can't see Rei, Charlie. Oi, Shinji, do you still have that thing that Misato used to cover her eyes when she slept?" Shinji nodded and Toji ran off.  
"Um...Charlie, you think you can step out for a moment? I'd like to finish." Charlie looked around,  
"Oh...sure." He pulled the shower curtain around the tub, and went to stand outside the door. In a few moments, Toji returned carrying a little black thingy to cover Ayu's eyes with.  
"See, Charlie. We can slip this over her eyes, wake her up, and get her out." Shinji heard the guys outside mumbling as he zipped up his pants. He began to wash his hands, and looked down on Ayu. *Hell* he thought, *I've had a mishap with every other girl in this base, why not her? * He heard her body clink against the side of the tub, and the bathroom door click open.  
"You done Shinji?"  
"Yeah, I'm done..." The boys outside flung open the door, and Toji leapt into the bathtub. Collective Charlie Shinji sweat drop. Toji slipped the black thingy over Ayu's eyes, and lifted a 'thumbs up' over the tub wall.   
"Alright then, wake her up." Toji shook Ayu's shoulder, and she muttered,  
"Who's there...?"  
"The man you've wished for-"  
"Denzel Washington?" Collective Shinji Charlie Toji sweat drop.  
"Close enough..." Charlie commented, lifting Ayu out of the tub.  
"Charlie-kun? Where am I?"  
"You were sleepwalking again."  
"Where'd I end up this time?  
"You don't want to know...." Shinji commented.  
"You're still in here Shinji? Were you constipated or something?  
"I swore..." Toji whimpered, "I swore..." Shinji blushed,  
"No...no..."  
"Why can't I see?"  
"Come on Ayu...let's go." Charlie grabbed Ayu's hand and led her out the apartment. Toji bent down on the floor and put his head in his hands,  
"I swore...I swore...I swore..."  
"What, pray tell, did you swear, Toji?" Shinji asked.  
"PG rating, remember? I'll tell you later."  
  
The Next Morning...  
  
"Oi, Charlie-kun. Where's Ayu?" Misato asked, passing the boy in the hall.  
"She's painting again. She's actually almost done."  
"Are you serious? If you ask me, that girl has a few screws lose."  
"In my eyes, we all have missing screws, some more that others. It's all relative." Misato raised her eyebrow at Charlie's comment, but the boy seemed unfazed.  
"Whatever. As long as she's ready by the time we have to battle the new Angel." Charlie almost suddenly lost his cool.  
"We have to fight an angel?! When? How?!"  
"With the Evas, silly. That's why you're an Eva pilot. And in the near future, it's almost prepared to come out of its shell." Charlie pushed his beret off his forehead out of shock.  
"Holy crap..."  
"Well, see you later, Charlie-kun." And Misato left him alone to his thoughts.  
"Oh man, I got to let Ayu know-"  
"I wouldn't do that if I was you..." Rei commented while walking past.  
"Ayanami-sama..." Charlie said like he couldn't believe she was real. He floated after her, but she remained indifferent.  
  
* Son Goku runs across, chasing Ayu, swinging a leopard suit*  
  
"Leave me alone Asuka!!"   
"AND, I bet you do not look half as good as ASUKA does in her Eva uniform!" Ayu tossed Ja-Rule up onto the walkway.  
"Get'er Ja-rule." Ayu grumbled, but she heard her squirrel squeal. Asuka had punted it, and Ja-rule landed in Ayu's lap, twitching. Asuka's shoe imprint was on the squirrel's forehead.  
"You squirrel was no match for me this time." Asuka began to laugh cockily.  
"No, Ja-rule!" Ayu glared up at the walkway, "Now it's personal!" She stuffed Ja-rule in her pocket and 'biffed' up to the walkway. Biff was actually the sound effect she made, but you get the point. Asuka glared at Ayu,  
"Is the peon going to fight me now?" Ayu shook her head slowly, before thrusting her hand in Asuka's face.  
"I, Ayu LaQuisha Hamuera, who will one day be married to some extremely hot guy and make you incredibly jealous, challenge you to an Eva duel." Ayu smacked Asuka in the face with a white glove she found in her pocket. Asuka's head jerked to the side, but she brought it back slowly.  
"I accept you duel-"  
"Next time we use the Evas."  
"I accept." She then smacked Ayu in the face with a glove. She then opened a dark vortex of evil with her index finger, "You will regret the day you challenged ASUKA." And disappeared into the vortex. Ayu pulled Ja-rule out of her 'Pocket Of Random Items'.  
"You ok, lil' buddy?" Ayu massaged the squirrel's forehead. It chirped in a squirrel like manner and cuddled Ayu's hands, "That*censor*! Oh, I'll kick her *censor* just for you lil' buddy. I can't stand that *censor* mean *censor*!" Ayu put Ja-rule away and straighten out her overalls.  
After a minute or so, Charlie walked in, having lost Rei's trail when she went through sprinkler.  
"How's it going Ayu?" Ayu stood with her hand on her chin,  
"It's missing something." Charlie looked at it,  
"Looks non-threatening."  
"Hum...ok. Where's your Eva?" Charlie pointed at Tuxedo, or what we know as his Eva. Ayu jumped of the walkway and ran over to his Eva.  
"What is she doing?" He whispered to himself. Suddenly, She ripped the bottom off of the Eva's cape, "HEY! Don't do that!" She hopped up her Eva and pulled the incredibly long strip of black cloth around its head. (Think Ryu)  
"What do you think Charlie-kun?!" She shouted from across the room.  
"Even though you just destroyed my cape...it looks good." She gave a 'thumbs up', and 'biffed' back onto the walkway, when the first set of alarms sounded.  
"What's that?" Ayu asked.  
"The angel!" Charlie yelled, "Come on Ayu, he have to go get changed!" He grabbed Ayu's wrist and lead her to that room, in which they changed into their Eva uniforms. Ayu and Charlie walked in to see everyone changing together. Collective eyebrow lift from Charlie and Ayu.  
"So wait...we all change in the same room?" Ayu asked.   
Shinji nodded, "NERV is to cheep to buy separate ones." Rei glared evilly at him, "But of course, I don't mind. Eh heh heh."  
"Oh, all right then." Ayu began to unlatch her overalls. Charlie looked around the room,  
"Am I the only one who finds this odd? You girls are changing in front of two of the most perverted, and the savviest boys in all of Japan, all of the world...and you don't care?" Ayu put a hand to her chin,  
"Maybe..." She began, "But what choice is there?"  
"True..." Charlie said with a shrug.   
  
* Unit 00 Wipe*  
  
"ASUKA does look better than the lowly peon Ayu."  
"Hey, no. I look better than you!" Rei sat quietly on the bench, awaiting orders. Asuka and Ayu turned to the guys who sat on the opposite bench, when they were told to get into their Eva's.  
  
Moments later...  
  
"Don't forget, you only have a max of 5 minutes on the battery. 3 if the Eva's are very active." Collective pilot nod, "Ready? Launch!" The Eva's shot up the tubes, Ayu yelling the whole way,  
"HOOOOOOOOLY COOOOOOOOOOOW!!! SUGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOI!" (For a musical selection at this point in the story, I would like to suggest Shining Collection by Iceman, or some other kick ass hyper/rock song.) When the Eva's reached the surface, Ayu pulled her Eva back to face Asuka's, its black head band flapping in the wind. Asuka faced Ayu, ready to pull out her knife. Rei and Charlie began to run over to where the angel was.   
"Oi, Toji..." Shinji said,  
"What is it?"  
"You think Charlie-kun and Rei can handle the angel?"  
"Yeah, I want to see Ayu and Asuka fight too."  
The angel looked at all the Eva's, sizing up which were actually against it.  
"ALRIGHT ASUKA! Let's do THIS!!!!" Asuka pulled out her knife and began to charge for Ayu. Ayu ran backwards for a bit before jumping into a back flip.  
"What the-"  
"You'll remember the day you accepted a duel from Ayu..." Ayu grumbled, placing her hand around a healthy looking tree. Ayu pulls the tree out of the ground and holds it in front of her. Asuka charges with her knife again, and Ayu swings at her with the tree. Ayu begins hopping backwards, Asuka right in front of her the whole time. She swings the tree again, hitting Asuka in the side of the head, but Asuka catches Ayu in the bottom of the arm. The red Eva stumbles backward, and inside the blue Eva, Ayu howls in pain. The Unit 06 pulls the knife out of its arm and growls at Unit 02. Unit 06's arm had begun to spark.  
"She's not as weak as I thought..." Ayu mumbled as Asuka's picture flickered onto her screen,  
"Are you tired lowly, peon?" Ayu went to punch the screen, but her arm was in incredible pain.  
"Ha cha cha cha..." She squealed, "That hurts...."   
Shinji's Eva passed Toji's an incredibly large bucket of popcorn.  
  
At the 'Real' Battle...  
  
Charlie wrapped his cape around his body,  
"Don't fear, my fair, beautiful Ayanami Rei. I shall deal with the Angel and you won't have to worry about a thing, my sweet."  
"You really should pay attention to the angel." Charlie pulled a red-ish tree out of the ground,  
"A rose, for the beautiful Rei."  
"I warned you..." But before Charlie could do anything else, the angel's large blue hand connected with Unit 07's face, giving him the ill mean backhand. Charlie spun around and fell to the ground. Rei looked down at him, "Dijobu ka?" And Charlie did his trademark moan.  
"Ayanami-samaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa." Rei turned to the angel, who seemed to be laughing at the poor, suave-less Charlie who lay on the floor. She ran over to it, and grabbed its hand. Around and around she spun, and angel tensed as Unit 00's fingers sunk into its wrist. With her other hand, Rei pulled out her knife, and sliced the hand off the angel, sending it flying. It landed with a monumental THUD near the area where Ayu and Asuka were battling. Rei ran off, leaving Charlie on the ground.  
"Wow..." Shinji said, "Ayu's pretty vicious with that left hand of hers."  
"Well, she has to be. Asuka totaled her right one with another feint blow." Toji retorted, throwing popcorn into Unit 03's mouth that were as big as boulders.  
Ayu punched Asuka in the hand with her left hand, and Asuka stepped back a bit.  
"I am still fully functional," Asuka quipped, "You're going to lose." She grabbed Ayu's left wrist and began to pull. Ayu squealed, and gave Asuka a swift kick to the groin. (Hey, it might not hurt as much on girls, but still...) Asuka staggered back again, as did Ayu.  
"My arms, shou!" Ayu reached down on the ground, picked up a Minivan, a hurled it at Asuka's face. But now, with all the blows Ayu landed to Asuka's head, you would think she would pass out, right? Well, Asuka was channeling the forces of darkness, which was making it incredibly hard for Ayu to knock her out. These forces of darkness are starting to sound pretty tempting...  
Asuka reached down and picked up a Benz, and hurled it Ayu. Ayu squealed, and grabbed it out of the air gently  
"No, no, no." Ayu said, "We don't throw cars we'll never be able to actually buy," She set the car down, and hurled a Pickup Truck bomb, which exploded in Asuka's eyes, finally doing some damage.  
"My EYES!" Asuka squealed, holding her face and leaning backwards. Ayu leapt into the air, with the following eyes of Shinji and Toji, and landed on Asuka's chest. Asuka fell to the ground, and Ayu crouched on her body. Ayu reached out her good-arm, trying to grab anything she could hit Asuka with. She grabbed Shinji's leg.  
"Ayu, let me go!" Shinji yelled, spilling the popcorn. He slipped a building support beam in Ayu's hand, making the building fall to ground, and in the process, demolishing many smaller buildings. Ayu began to beat on Asuka's head and body, laughing frenziedly.  
"Shinji-kun..." Toji whispered, "I think Ayu snapped." Shinji nodded.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Rei proceeded to chop up the angel, dealing with that little, tiny problem. Ok, back the main, more fun battle. Ayu continued to bash at Asuka,  
"Why-won't-you-pass-out!?" She roared, beating as hard as she could with her left arm. Asuka laughed,  
"Don't you get it, stupid girl? You can't win!" Ayu, growing angrier, lodged the support beam in Asuka's right hand. But, she then heard a beeping inside her cockpit.  
"What the-" As it turned out, Ayu, Asuka, and Rei had spent up all of their energy. Shinji and Toji still had power left, they didn't do much. And Charlie? Do I even have to touch on that? Upon each screen, and angry woman appeared,  
"Back to head quarters, POST HASTE!" Ayu lifted an eyebrow,  
"Who the hell is that?" Shinji appeared on her screen,  
"That's the blond lady whose always with Misato...I forgot her name." Ayu glared down at Asuka, who was still laughing. Ayu muttered, hanging her head,   
"One day...we'll finish this..." Their Eva's hung limp in the wind, 06's taught hand barely inches from Asuka's neck.   
  
* Linkin Park's New CD 'Reanimation', rolls by *  
  
Commander Ikari sat in the dark, his hands in front of his face, making him look particularly menacing. The six children stood at attention, Ayu at one end of the line, Asuka at the other. Ikari began to speak,  
"You did more damage than the angel did." He said quietly and slowly, "Look at the screen..." It showed a picture of Ayu running backwards, stepping on many little buildings, and knocking some bigger ones over. Next was Shinji and Toji, dropping the boulder sized popcorn all around, taking out buildings as they flung the popcorn. Charlie fell in the park, landing on the play equipment.  
"So that's what poked me in the-"  
"Pay attention." Commander Ikari said as he switched the picture. It was Rei flinging the angel, chopping down some pretty large buildings. Next was Asuka with the Benz. Commander Ikari stopped the film, "A Benz, Asuka? I know it's not Japanese, but it's a da*n nice car." He continued the show, Ayu and the support beam, Shinji dropping the popcorn, Toji tripping over a fire hydrant and landing on a building. After a few minutes, the show was over.  
"What do you have to say?" Misato asked, stepping out of the darkness. Ayu turned to Charlie and grinned,  
"I say..." She began, "I say Rei saved the day." The Commander looked at Rei,  
"Well, she did. And since she's my favorite, I vote to blame Shinji for everything." Shinji looked deeply hurt,  
"But I didn't do anything! And Toji tripped over the fire hydrant!"  
"Tisk tisk, No son of mine will shift the blame on other men. That is not manly." Rei looked straight ahead, motionless, emotionless,  
"I say we forget the whole thing. The angel was destroyed, and that's all that matters." Ikari went back to looking menacing,  
"Fine. If Rei thinks so..." Ayu jumped over to Rei and sling a blue Superman cape over her shoulders. It had a 'W' though.  
"Yeah! Wonder girl!" Charlie and Ayu cheered, looking very foolish. Asuka disappeared into another of her dark vortexes.  
"Next time...you will be destroyed." She hissed, closing the vortex behind her.  
  
  
Next Episode: Talent Show? Oh, there's a prise! Oh, the five star hot baths of my dreams Episode Three-ish: "Needing Entertainment..." And there'll be loads of Fan-service!  
  
Son Goku: Look, look! I got her into the gold dress!  
Ayu-chan: :: grumbles:: No way in hell he could get me in the cat suit. I hoped you enjoyed the second episode. Tell me if I can change anything to make this better in the reviews, ok? Arigato!   
Son Goku: Come on, come on, sing, sing!  
Ayu-chan: No...I will not.  
Son Goku: :: puts head on her shoulder:: Please, please? I like your singing.  
Ayu-chan: No...I won't sing.  
Son Goku: :: whimpers:: Oh...ok...I will just stay here on you shoulder looking pitiful till you give in.  
Ayu-chan: ::grumbles:: You are lucky you're so damn kawaii... 


	3. Episode 3ish: Needing Entertainment AKA...

:: Ayu-chan and Son Goku stare intently at a TV Screen:  
  
Ayu-chan: See, there. There. It looks like Sanzo is giving us all the finger, see? No denying it.  
  
Son Goku: No, there're two fingers...:: looks over:: ^_^ Oh, konichiwa. Ayu and I were just watching the second half of the series about me-  
Ayu-chan: You mean Saiyuki...  
  
Son Goku: ^_~ Same thing. And where debating about the opening-picture-things-  
  
Ayu-chan: -And there, I love that hat you have-  
  
Son Goku: ^_^ So, you guys go ahead and read while we discuss-  
  
Ayu-chan: -and look here, you look like you're going to a rave-  
  
Son Goku: Happy reading. :: looks back to screen::  
  
Ayu-chan: Doesn't Sanzo look so cute with his ponytail?   
  
Son Goku: ^_^; :: sweat drop::   
  
Episode 3-ish: Needing Entertainment AKA An Excuse to Go Back to the Hot Springs.  
  
"TRAAAAVELING!!! TRAAAAAVELING!"  
"Ayu, shut it...you'll be a fine back up singer." Charlie said, stirring his bowl of mush. Ayu looked over at Charlie, stuffing her arm into her sleeve,   
"I'm not so sure...I've never heard Rei sing before...you think we can work together?" Charlie's eyes turned into little starlets as the looked off into the air,  
"Any chance to sing behind Ayanami-sama is a blessing."  
"That's right, your signing too..." Charlie began to drool into his bowl of mush when a bang came at the boys' front door. Shinji came out the back to answer the door.  
"Ohayo, Ayu-chan." He said before opening the door. Asuka was standing there, "Uh oh..."  
"Is the puttz spawn here?" She asked in a very calm, un-Asuka like tone.  
"Yeah, Ayu's here. She's sitting at the table with Charlie."  
"Tell the unworthy ones that Rei will be ready by tonight."  
"I'll be sure to tell them-"  
"And be sure to tell the unholy-maggot-Ayu not to be depressed when I win the contest. That is all." Ayu stabbed a fork into the table, making some mush jump into Charlie's face. Shinji closed the door behind Asuka as she left. Ayu didn't seem to notice,  
"I, Ayu LaQuisha Hamuera, swear that I will beat Asuka-" Before Ayu could finish, Shinji cut her off,  
"Um, Ayu-chan?"  
"Nani..." She asked with a low grumble, flicking mush off Charlie's nose.  
"I just wanted to know...why you were always here."  
"Oh, well, you see Shinji-kun..." Ayu rose to her feet and pulled a laser pointer out of her pocket, before pulling a large chalkboard out from the side of the screen. She directed the laser pointer at the blank board, "As you can see Charlie and I are close."  
"I don't see-"  
"Yes, I know. And from that you have deducted nothing, hence the board." Shinji sweat drop, "Charlie is my cousin-type-brother-thing-person. We're almost like family." Ayu slapped Charlie's back, bringing him back to his Rei-less reality.  
"Oh..." Shinji said, sitting at the table, "So, when do you come over? I never see you come..."  
"Well, it all depends...I came over last night though."  
"Wait...you stayed over?! Where did you stay?!" Just then, Toji stumbled out of the backroom, swinging a plushy of himself.  
"Ayu..." He mumbled in a morning haze, "You left this...yawn in my room last night." A block of ice formed around Shinji,  
"You....you....you...slept in Toji's room....?" Charlie chuckled,  
"You think I would let Toji get his grips on my cousin-sister-type-thing-person? Could you imagine what he would do to her?" Shinji could imagine, but I doubt you care to know...  
Ayu slowly began to chisel Shinji from the ice, before getting agitated.  
"Darn block of ice..." She reached into her pocket and felt around, taking her time. Shinji stood still, looking very cold, while Toji collapsed on the floor in a sudden fit of weariness. His plushie squeaked as it bounced to Charlie's feet. Charlie picked it up when he noticed Ayu holding a large mallet over Shinji's head.  
"Hey, Ayu, stop that. He's thawed out already." Shinji sat dripping wet, sniffling a time or two.  
"Oh..." Ayu said, noting the cold, sniffling boy. She stuffed the mallet back into her pocket, "Maybe I should warm him up instead..." She said slowly.  
"With what? A hair drier?" Charlie said, tossing the plushy up and down.  
"No..." She said shyly, "Like Excel warmed Hyatt up in the sixth episode of Excel Saga." Charlie placed his hand to his chin and thought for a moment before the episode came rushing back to him. He dropped Toji's plushy in astonishment,   
"NO! NO Ayu! I forbid it! Not in my house! What could ever make you think of such a thing?!"  
"I meant with my clothes on." Charlie felt the blood rush to his face,  
"Oh, of course." Ayu then grabbed Shinji in a hug, and Toji sprang back to life.  
"Hey, wait a minute. What's going on here? I fall out for a second and you're all over another man."  
"Shinji is weak, and feeble. If he doesn't warm up, he will catch Pneumonia and die." Shinji looked up,  
"No, I won't die. I can take care of...myself." He jumped up, water seeping into his shoes, "I, Ikari Shinji, swear that I will prove to Ayu that I will not die of pneumonia."  
"Whatever," Ayu said light-heartedly, "I got to get ready for tonight." She then trotted out the door and into the expansive hallway. After a quiet moment, Charlie picked up Toji's plushie and Toji crawled over on his knees to Shinji.  
"Shinji-kun...teach me the way of the pitiful so I can weasel a hug out of Ayu." Collective Shinji Charlie sweat drop.  
* A cute blob rolls across saying "nyu-nyu-nyu-dehh, nyu-nyu-nyu-dehh."*  
Rei walks up to a microphone set in the middle of a blank, empty stage. She tapped it lightly, sending small vibrations through the air. Charlie jumped up in the audience and began to cheer.  
"AYANAMI-SAMA!" Collective Audience sweat drop. Asuka shot him an evil glance, and he sat back down. Ayu turned her head and caught Asuka's eye. The stared at each other...  
stare....  
Stare...  
STARE!!!  
Rei cleared her throat.  
"I am going to sing now...please pay attention." Everyone stared at Rei, as a familiar tune began to play...well, maybe not...no one knew what it was, exactly. Yet, Rei sung anyway.  
"Zankoku na tenshi no you ni ... shounen yo shinwa ni nare~eeee..." Suddenly, a hot, jungle-y beat begins to play as bright reds and oranges lights played across the stage. The crowd began to dance as Ayu 's jaw dropped. Shinji took a seat next to her, a blanket around his shoulders and a bag of hot water on his head.  
"Who knew Rei had such...spunk?" She whispered as Rei continued to sing. Rei swayed in an uncharacteristic, happy, energy filled way as she sung. Shinji sneezed and said,  
"Boaw...who dew Wei had so buch enrgee? Dat sowng sounds so fabiliar..." The crowd applauded loudly when Rei bowed and left the stage. Charlie jumped up and down like a maniac, swinging his fist around,  
"Yeah AYANAMI-SAMA! YEAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Ayu grinned and stood up as Misato took the stage.  
"Well now, who knew that Rei could sing like that? In a few minutes, we'll have our next entry, but let me just remind you what we are competing for. In this talent contest, we will be competing for an all expense paid trip to a five star hot spring!" The crowd clapped, "And not only did gracious NERV set this all out for our personal entertainment," The audience of workers erupted into whoops and hollers, "But they picked me as your wonderful hostess." Misato grinned as the crowd fell silent. A cricket sounded of in the distance. Asuka killed it...another life destroyed by Asuka. Now it was perfectly quiet...Misato frowned.   
"So..." She grumbled, "Without further a due, here's Ayu with her rendition of...Aoi Hitomi..." Misato marched of stage, and Ayu walked on wearing a long, flow-y dress thing. It was all white, and sparkly. I like shiny things.....  
"Hello..." Ayu said, felling a shaking feeling in her legs, "I learned this song...in Japanese...just for you guys..." She looked off back stage, "MAESTRO!" The music started, and Ayu sang...pretty good actually, to the surprise of everyone. Some even felt a tear coming to their eye...cause the understood it. Of course, Ayu just looked the lyrics up online, so she was kinda fuzzy on the whole -translation- thing. When she finished, the crowd clapped, some yelling very nice comments. Ayu bowed, as a puff of smoke surrounded her. When it dissipated, Ayu was in an interestingly designed two-piece shorts set. The top exposed her stomach, but the arms were long and had flow-y purple sheets of cloth. Rei came out again, dressed in the same thing, and pushed her way in front of the mic.  
"This song...is Sora's Folktale." Some more music started up, with a very hypnotic tone too. Ayu and Rei stood side by side, and sang the very, genie like song. Shinji's, Toji's, and Charlie's eyes went wide and they slowly rose to their feet. They marched like little hypnotized puppies to the edge of the stage and sat on the ground, swaying back and forth, like flowers in a breeze, or like boys that were hypnotized by two girls singing a very cool song during a talent show. The crowd leaned back and forth with blank looks on their faces.  
"See Rei, it worked. I told you so." Ayu the raised her hand when the song ended and squealed out, "Pick us to win the contest because we are cute and we look good in little outfits! ARIGATO!" When Ayu yelled Arigato, the boys snapped back to their senses, and Shinji let out a terrifying sneeze. The crowd, hearing the earth shattering bodily sound snapped back as well and began to clap. Asuka then appeared on stage through one of her dark portals.  
"You dare say that you look good in those? ASUKA looks better." Ayu opened her mouth to retort, but Rei shoved an orange in her head cavity. Where did she get the orange? It's Rei, who really knows her magic...  
Rei lead Ayu off stage and instructed Asuka to perform. Asuka grabbed the microphone,  
"I am going to..." She looked left and right, "Destroy the pitiful human race." The crowd fell silent, and Asuka grew angry. "CLAP!" The crowd erupted into applause. Asuka smiled. She put her hands above her head and created a big...black....orb....Oh holy cra-...beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep...  
*The talent show is experiencing some technical difficulties. Kindly hold on for a moment while we paste the audience back together with a big glue stick. Thank you for you patients.*  
Scorched and barely living, the audience blinked and puffed out rings of smoke. Toji and Charlie were burnt to crisps, but Shinji sat shivering.  
"Why aren't you a pile of ashes?" Charlie asked. Shinji grinned,  
" Maybe caws I thought Aybu slebt wit Toji again. I guess I turnbed into a blok of ice." Asuka bowed and skipped of stage. An ominous wind blew through the auditorium, making some spectators blow away. Toji and Charlie leveled out. Shinji shivered. After a few moments, Rei walked back out, and a whole Charlie spun up out the ground. (Think Michael Jackson in the 'Remember the Time' video).   
"Aren't you glad I found that bomb shelter in my pocket Rei?" Ayu said running out of the stage, throwing an orange to the side. She had her trusty overalls back on. Toji crawled out of the ground, a brushed ashes of his head.  
"Am I pitiful enough now, Ayu?" Ayu looked out at Toji,  
"Yes, Toji. You are one pitiful son-of-a-"  
"Rei-sama!!" Charlie called out waving, "I am so glad you are safe!! I was so..." He rambled on, not very important.   
Up in a high, bullet proof, child-safety locked balcony, Commander Ikari sat, his hands under his nose. He looked out at the stage, and decided whom he'd crown the winner.  
"I know who I will crown the winner!" He said to a random guy in the balcony, "Let us head down, and congratulate the winner." The guy was poorly drawn and done in blue crayon.  
"Yes sir!" He said with the most horrible English voice actor you have ever heard in you life, "But the contest isn't over yet. Rei, Charlie, and Ayu have to sing Utada Hikaru's single Traveling."  
"That can wait." The commander said as he walked over to the door. He jiggled the handle, "Darn these child locks. I can never open them." He looked over at the crayon guy. A sly grin spread across his face, and slowly tiptoed over to him. He placed his strong hands around the guy's shoulders and launched him out the window. Hey, I said bullet proof, not ugly-crayon-guy-proof. Ayu shrieked when the crayon guy hit the stage, and whacked him with a mallet. His body crumpled into crayon shavings and rolled off the stage.  
"Opps..." Ayu said, slipping the mallet back into her pocket, "I thought it was Asuka again...my bad." Commander Ikari leapt down from the hole in the balcony and looked at the winner.  
"I am here..." He said in a low menacing tone, "To pronounce Rei...and Ayu the winners." Ayu gave the victory sign and grinned,  
"It worked! It worked!"  
"Ayu..." Ikari said suddenly, sounding even more evil, if that's possible, "I only picked you because you destroyed that...crayon guy." Ayu blinked and dropped her hands to her side.  
"Oh..." Ayu said all sad like. Rei grunted and the commander continued his speech,  
"So, it is up to Rei if you go or not." Ayu looked sadly over at Rei and Shinji sneezed again,  
"Send them all to the hot spring...so I don't have to hear them complain when I get back." All eyes fell on Rei. Ayu began to hop around,  
"I'm going to a hot spring! I'm going to a hot spring..." Charlie looked in such bliss, it's almost impossible to explain.  
"Rei...is going to be in a hot spring...NAKED!" He melted into a puddle of Charlie goo. Toji laughed at Charlie,  
"Poor, un-controlled Charlie. You don't see me melting into a puddle of goo because Ayu is going to be naked..." Toji thought about what he said and shortly after melted into a puddle of Toji goo.  
Asuka appeared out from one of her vortexes and landed on Puddle Charlie.  
"Why didn't ASUKA win?" She asked sadly, stamping on Charlie.  
"Well Asuka..." Commander Ikari began, "Not only did you destroy my auditorium, and more than three fourths of my staff, you also insulted the way Rei looked in a little outfit." The group looked at Commander Ikari,  
"Are you saying...," Ayu began slowly, "you were checking Rei out?" Ikari looked harshly at Ayu,   
"Of course so." Ayu raised and eyebrow and Shinji coughed,  
"cough Pedophile cough."  
"What did you cough, my un-manly, dieing son? You shouldn't be so sickly. Men don't get sick, men don't die, and men don't cough words."  
"Well, it's not Shinji's fault he's a weakling." Ayu said shrugging her shoulders.  
"cough Shinji cough Lover." The commander coughed. Asuka opened up another vortex while taking of her shoes,  
"ASUKA is going to pack." She left her shoes in the Charlie puddle and disappeared through the whole in space. Ikari folded his hands over his mouth and said  
"You all will leave in the morning." Before leaving himself. Ayu grinned and pulled two jars out of her pocket,  
"All right! Let's start packing. After I put Charlie and Toji in these jars, I'll dig through there underwear and pick out clothes." Charlie and Toji turned back into boys,  
"We can do that ourselves, thank you." They said in unison.  
"Suit yourself." Ayu said, putting the jars away. Charlie pulled Asuka's shoes out of his pants.  
"Oh...how did those get in there?" he asked, tossing them to the side, "Man...I feel like I was stepped on...by an elephant."  
"You were..." Ayu mumbled with a laugh, "A demonic, retarded elephant." Shinji sneezed again,  
"So...we're all going to the hot spring. Let's get ready!"  
"Oh." Ayu said, looking at Shinji, "Your sinuses cleared up."  
"Yeah," He said with a grin, "I can't die now. We're going away."  
"So...does that mean you're going to die later?" Charlie jumped up on the stage and shoved another orange in Ayu's mouth,  
"Shhh, Ayu. No giving away hints about the plotline." Ayu nodded, "Come now. We must go pack. And nothing to skimpy." Charlie led Ayu off the stage and back to her room. The others eventually dispersed...because the main focuses of the story left a long time ago, and they felt kinda foolish standing there. The audience sat...alone, forgotten, and barbequed.  
*Rei walks across, singing 'The Real Folk Blues'*  
There they all sit in the back of that new 2003 hummer. It's army printed and it just screams government organization. Ayu is listening to her Megumi Hayashibara CD.  
"I wonder..." She said to Charlie, "This voice sounds so familiar all of a sudden." Charlie tilted his beret over his eyes.  
"You probably just heard it on the radio or something." Ayu shrugged,  
"I guess...but still-"  
"Go to sleep, Ayu. We've got a long drive ahead of us." Ayu yawned and closed her eyes. The others in the car were sleeping...even the driver. Wait...no, that's not a good thing. Hold on one moment...  
Ok, there we go. After being prodded with a large, sharp stick for three minutes, the driver woke up and regained control of the wheel, barely missing a deer, cat, rabbit, lake and old lady. No...he hit the old lady, never mind. But, he still continued on, bringing all the young Eva pilots to a destination for relaxation, and for some, a way to exact revenge.  
I will get you next time... someone thought. And this time, no glue stick will be able to save you.  
  
Ayu-chan: So, that's it for now...they'll get to the hot springs next time.  
  
Son Goku: Can I tell them? Can I tell them?  
  
Ayu-chan: Tell them what?  
Son Goku: The plan, the plan!  
  
Ayu-chan: Sure, why not?  
  
Son Goku: Yeah! You see-  
  
Ayu-chan: :: cuts Son Goku off:: I will tell you why not! We are out of time, and I can't have you disclosing secret plot information!  
  
Son Goku: Oh, then why didn't you just say no? You difficult girl.  
  
Ayu-chan: Hehehe, you know you love me, even if I am difficult. Well, we'll see you guys next time! Ja ne!  
  
Son Goku: Who said anything about loving you? 


End file.
